The New Year Update
So it's been 8.5 months since 2017 started and I thought it would be good to reflect on my New Year's resolutions. If you're anything like me (or the average human being that makes resolutions), you make these betterment promises only to forget about them 3 weeks later. Okay...I forget about them the next day *insert hand on face emoji*. So to make sure I've been at least attempting to keep up, I thought I'd take an inventory (Fact: I stared at the screen for 5 minutes trying to remember the word "inventory").
Resolution #1: Personal
In January, I decided to search for the old Joyce that loved building her current relationships and searching for new ones. I am proud to say that I have been doing that! I have been trying hard to say yes to more opportunities and to actively reach out to friends for that coffee hangout. It took me a couple months to figure out my capacity but I realized the heart really does bloom when you give it space to grow. I spent so many months of 2016 saying no and I can't that it felt liberating and challenging to say yes. This doesn't mean I don't have times of hiding and hibernation. Alone time is a necessity. It allows space for reflection and really a time for you to learn about yourself. But now I don't feel so scared or hesitant to say yes.
Resolution #2: Spiritual
Spiritual resolutions are always the hardest. It's not as tangible of results like losing weight and it really digs into your heart. For me to lean further into God also requires me to examine myself and ask some painful questions. So far I've learned that I struggle a lot with trust and guilt. I constantly seek for approval and acceptance - this leads to awful thoughts and emotions when I think I'm receiving the opposite. I beat myself up and try to set myself in a way that makes people go "whoa...chick's got it all together". But I don't. I'm ridden with fear that I'm going to mess up again. I'm overwhelmed with guilt in wanting something that is for myself. But I think that I realize all this is really one step closer to finding that hope I resolved for in January.
Resolution #3: Physical
So starting January I gave up dairy due to sinus issues. It was suggested that I also give up wheat, gluten and soy. But c'mon, a girl has got to eat! So dairy was the only thing I was willing to say no to. Being a girl that is notorious for eating ice cream daily in large quantities, this was extremely difficult for me. But I did it! I'm going to share this journey in a different post but it totally pertains to my third resolution. This process has taught me to say no and pass on sweets that I would normally drown in. I've also had to find milk alternatives which has led me to just say no to it all lol.
Resolution #4: Emotional
I lied when I said Resolution #2 was the hardest. This has been my hardest. I didn't grow up speaking or recognizing my feelings. I was actually taunted when I was a child and learned that holding my tears and hiding when sad was the only way to cope with any confusion. Unfortunately I'm still dealing with these learned habits at the ripe age of 30. I still wax and wane between apathy, numbness and confusion. I still need to remember to go through my feelings and to allow myself to be overwhelmed by these experiences. I hope that I will have some more progress on this by the end of the year...But if not, I have no shame in rolling it over to 2018.
I actually didn't do that bad! It's totally a work in progress but I'm thankful to see that I haven't abandoned my resolutions completely. Whew! I hope my reflection has inspired some of you to think about your own New Year's resolutions. I found it really helpful to take the time to think.
Until next time...
Photo Credit: Andrea Miclea - Heirloom Photography