Breakups and Instagram
Social media has totally changed the game of breakups and dating. What used to be a simple exchange of items and a "you don't call me and I don't call you" has now become the balance of deleting photo albums, removing hashtags, and "unfriending". Instagram and Facebook makes it so easy for us to have a captured timeline of a relationship, to share and brag about the joys of being loved. But what do you do when it all comes to end?? You now have to figure out how and when to delete this time capsule without it hurting the other person and yourself.
On top of that, it's almost a way of reporting to the following public the general health of a relationship. "Is everything okay? I haven't seen a post of you two in a while." Or you get a "?????????" When you post an updated picture profile with the the significant other. Whether you want to or not, your relationship is out there to be analyzed by others because of social media. On the flip side, we also use social media to cover up hardships, difficult times, or hurting relationships with a happy post. I'm totally guilty of that. As honest as I may try to be with my posts, I know I can't help but want to maintain a persona by making life seem so grand.
Social media, or technology at large, has totally complicated breakups and relationships.
Today's post is the beginning of a mini series on social media and breakups and possibly life? Hope you enjoy!
So what do we do with our breakups? When is it appropriate to delete an album, remove a shared hashtag from photos, and do we unfriend each other and associated acquaintances? I had to face all of these odd questions after my recent breakup. My ex and I had a shared photo album, shared calendar, a common relationship hashtag, and obviously numerous posts of each other on Instagram/Facebook. Even my Candy Crush avatar photo is of us (1. This is a shameless admittance to my addiction to this game 2. Anyone know how to change that thing?! It isn't even my FB profile picture! 3. See what I mean about social media?!). I have to admit that it was a bit therapeutic to go through all the disconnecting. We physically had to let go of each other's shared lives and slowly dive into an independent life. But there was a level of pain attached with deleting our pictures, calendar, and hashtags. I was erasing the memory of someone that was so important to me at a particular moment and chapter of life.
You not only have to sweep the person out of your home but now you must go through your phone and computer to slowly erase all other connections. Letting go of someone has never been so complicated.
Here's something else you have to consider...the impact of your actions on the other involved party. Now I know some of you are thinking "What's it matter? You ain't with him, who cares??" But my question back is how do you stop caring about someone you just shared life with? There's always going to be a special part of you linked with that person. May not always be so laden with emotions but it'll likely be there. My challenge to you is to still show love and respect to your ex-significant other through the breakup. Breakups are opportunities for you to show grace, strong character, and mutual respect for all involved parties. Be the bigger person and demonstrate the beautiful character you have while paying respect to your needs. But that's for another day...
Here are a few things to consider during your next breakup and the navigation through technology:
If it provides an opportunity for you to stalk the person...Get rid of it.
- Stalking is creepy on all levels. You are better than that. YOU ARE ABOVE THAT CREEPY STATUS.
- It wreaks emotional havoc on your heart
- It strips you of your opportunity to reflect and learn from this past relationship
- It prevents you from moving forward into your own present because you're so busy trying to stay caught up in someone else's life
If it gives you immediate updates/pings on the person's post in live time...time to either block, unfriend, or delete.
- Read the above listed points 2-4
If you find yourself spending an unhealthy amount of time pouring through past posts, pictures, status updates, you should probably delete them. I know it's painful and extremely hard but it's ultimately best for you. Why? Again...read listed numbers 2-4.
Ultimately, you need to guard your heart, mind, and emotional health during the recovery of a breakup. There is so much life to live. Use social media and technology to pull you forward in life, not hold you back as an anchor. I know it's complicated it by creating opportunities of clinging; but why not use it as a therapeutic way to let go of your past chapter and create an entry point for the next. Just something to think about...
Thanks for letting me vent
Until next time, deuces.